I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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