even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
