my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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