One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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