No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
