I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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