Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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