i will never coherently bang her
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
