spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
