just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
