She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
