I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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