You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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