Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
