I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
