He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Boobs speak an international language.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
