last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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