she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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