I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Randomize
