beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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