he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
