Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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