thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
please come you make the beer taste better
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
