naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Mom said you looked used
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
