How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
