she told me i tasted like america
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
