Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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