I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
