He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
