yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
