I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
