I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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