the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
