I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I CAN MOONWALK!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
