i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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