i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
