you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
