How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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