perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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