i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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