u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
