ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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