You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
