apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he thought i was a dude.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
