Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
