You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
