You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
