I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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