is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
