I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I want her autograph on my taint
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
