Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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