How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
