I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
